Unsafe and Insane

Happy Fourth of July, sometimes referred to by the cognoscenti as "Independence Day". Time to once again revel in the fact that the colonies are no longer under the oppressive thumb of the King of England. That taxation without representation was really getting on my nerves. That's not to say that taxation with representation is any better.

But to many folks out there, we simply celebrate July 4th, and we don't know why. And how do we celebrate the fact that it's the fourth day of July, which, for some really good reason I'm sure, we got Monday off? That's right. We blow shit up.

You see, in the quaint hamlet in which Tad resides, in the middle of the contiguous suburbian melange of bedroom communities known as Orange County California, the local ordinances allow for the ignition of "safe and sane" fireworks. Nevermind that the tax revenues collected due to their sales probably does not come near to the added cost of having to field more police and firefighters that day. But these "safe and sane" fireworks are a public hazard that the other 98% of OC cities have chosen to outlaw within their boundaries. And it's not so much that the fireworks are a public hazard, it's just that they are a hazard when in the hands of most people who buy them. Are you paying attention, you teenaged boys?

So, say you find yourself in the demographic in which a) you don't know what independence means, b) you cannot spell MTV, but watch it not knowing that it ever used to show music videos, c) you live in the OC, and d) you have more testosterone now than you know what to do with. So what do you do on the 4th? That's right, come to the town where fireworks are legal. You invite your cousins. You find friends who live there. If not, you find the parking lot of an elementary school there. Can't go to a park, however, because the city cleverly sets the sprinklers to come on the evening of the 4th, pissing away its tax proceeds from the firework sales. Further, you don't check the fine print on the legislation, so you are not concerned with which fireworks get the Good Housekeeping seal or not. So you also bring the good stuff you got in Tijuana or from the Indian reservation a couple of months back on spring break.

And you light them off. Blow shit up. Launch 'em. As long as makes a loud boom or nearly blows your buddy Jimmy's hand clean off, it's rad and gnarly. And you do it until after midnight. Hell, it's not like you have a job where you have to go to work the next day or anything. Oh, and nevermind the spent casings from your soiree. Leave them in the street. The city will come by to clean it up.

Morons. Thought I was in Baghdad. And I'm not throwing that out there flippantly.

But I digress...

So, now that the United States has been an independent nation for 229 years, one might think that the novelty of celebrating this would have diminished by now. Sure, it's the nation's birthday and all, but don't birthdays stop becoming a big deal once you've past 21 or so?

In my opinion, we're selling and shooting the fireworks off on the wrong day. We should be lighting up the skies on Memorial Day. Not just celebrating the birth of a nation, but celebrating the lives of those who paid the price for our ability to congregate in school parking lots and blow things up. Not that the original insurgents (they called them minutemen back then) don't get their props, they were the first in line for Memorial Day.

Not that I would wish that anyone would have to go there in the first place, but perhaps all that firework lighting by those in the aforementioned demographic is good experience that could be put to use in Iraq. I'm sure the neighbors there have a more immediate appreciation of Independence.

And that's just my opinion, the stating of which is constitutionally assured. Thanks Vets, you are collectively a braver man than I.

Tad