Barney's Kids

As a human responsible for two knee-biters running around, occupying two safety seats in a minivan and consuming way too much candy and ice cream, I can say that I am as annoyed to death as the next guy by Barney the Purple Dinosaur. But I won't.

I am annoyed out of my skin by the sappy, so-sweet-they-give-you-diabetes kids that flank the great gob of purple spew, dancing around like little monkeys around a Fisher-Price hurdy gurdy. These stepford kids really need slapping. Normal kids their age should be kicking the chump in the costume, with one bending down behind him while another shoves Barney over backward.

"I love you, you love m...whoa... ow!... Hey, come back here you little shit bastard!!!"

Even more annoying is their parents, who are the ultimate in evil. Exploiting their kids in any way possible for their own personal gain, trying to get their kids celebrity status for the big payday, hoping to be the next Macauley Caulkin or something. Well, we all know how that turns out. Either with anorexia, or robbing liquor stores by age 17 and spending the night in jail - or worse - playing their cards wrong, making the wrong celebrity contacts and spending the night at the Neverland Ranch. Ugh, sorry I even brought that one up. I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Get me away from the keyboard before it's too late.