Hamburgers, Kids, and Star Wars, and Porn

According to the San Francisco Chronicle,

A parents group, the Dove Foundation, is trying to strong-arm Burger King
to stop using "Star Wars" characters to promote its Kids' Meals. "Sith" is rated
PG-13, you see, and OMG, won't someone think of The Children™?"

At the same time, a homely stick-figure with a fat purse and stolen cell phone named Paris Hilton is frolicking about in a bathing suit (which she does not fill out) under the guise of washing a Bentley, getting more water on herself than on that which needs to be cleaned, which in this case is my memory of watching her doing this. Oh, yeah, and in the last couple of seconds of the 30 second spot she chomps down on a Carl's Jr. burger.

"This commercial is basically soft-core porn," said Melissa Caldwell, research director for the Los Angeles-based Parents Television Council. "It's inappropriate for television."

The Los Angeles Times reported Tuesday that the group plans to mobilize its more than one million members to protest and is considering asking the Federal Communications Commission to declare the ad indecent.

So you might ask yourself, what's wrong with this situation, and what great ideas does Tad Annoyed have that would solve this?

Glad you asked. Just a simple matter of switching the casts.

First, get Paris off that car (which, by the way, is better built than the thing she was on in her previous well-known video). Replace her with the cast of Star Wars. Get Princess Whats-her-name in there washing down the Millenium Falcon with a sponge, and then washing down those awful fries with a Diet Coke(TM).

Then, replace the Star Wars toys in the kids meals with little Paris Hilton toys. No, not the toys she uses, but little doll replicas. OK, they can just use sticks. But the underlying moral message to the kids is not to become promiscuous while spending all of their inheritance, but rather to encourage the young 'uns to finish that entire high-in-saturated-fat and cholesterol laden burger and fries or else this is how you might end up looking.

In either case, I'm afraid, not a very pretty picture.