Everything I Needed to Know About Using the Potty I Learned in Kindergarten

Don't most people?

Apologies up front for such a banal rant, but when you're a grown up working in an office with other grown ups, I expect some basic courtesies of my officemates so that I don't get sick from their lack of hygiene. My first grader has better bathroom habits than some of the yuppity slobs in my cube farm.

I can't tell you how many jerks in my office fail to dispose of their bodily waste via the simple act of flushing the potty. I fail to understand what kind of health risk they think they're encountering by doing so. C'mon, fellas. You don't even have to use your hands. Flush the urinal with your elbow. Flush the crapper with your foot. You don't have to worry about catching diseases. You would, however, put everyone else's health at risk by leaving your waste there for everyone to see and experience.

Oh, and don't forget to wash your hands. Regardless if you flush or not. Use the soap - it's free. It is unfathomable how some people simply walk out of the bathroom without doing so. Many of those in my office that are guilty of this are in sales. Ewww. I feel sorry for our customers whose hands they shake. Kinda ruins it when there is free food in the employee kitchen. Double eww. I'll only partake if I'm sure that a non-washer has not been there first. And yes, we have a list of non-washers. They don't know it. But we know who they are. And we don't touch anything that they do.


I was going to take this a step further and complain about the new marketing people who somehow missed the part of employee orientation that covers the fact that while the coffee is complimentary, making a new pot when you take the last of an old pot is compulsory before noon. Must be that folks in marketing truly lack the technical skills required to operate a coffee maker. The water supply is connected directly, for crying out loud. All you have to do is dump the old grounds, insert a filter, and tear open a packet of pre-measured coffee grounds, pour it in, and press a button.

But I'm not complaining about this. I'm just glad that a non-washer is not touching my coffee.