Reasons NOT to see Brokeback Mountain

Many of us now, whether we know it or not, have that one relative who is "out". And invariably this relative has email access, and has already sent out a message or two to their entire address book recommending the Oscar-nominated picture "Brokeback Mountain". It's supposed to be a very good movie, well acted and directed. About gay cowboys. And straight men should go see it. The email lists a number of reasons why we should be compelled to see it.

I've compiled a list of reasons why I do NOT have to see this movie. And none of them involve homophopia:

1. I am a early middle-aged straight man with two kids. I do not go to movies.

2. I watch maybe one movie a month. And I get it from Blockbuster.

3. The movies I like to watch are those I expect will entertain me. This means that the movie ought to be funny, or there probably ought to be scantily clad young women, or some pretty neat explosions and/or other compelling (but not over-the-top) violence.

4. I don't like to see movies that explore relationships. Not even between men and women.

5. I don't care for westerns. Not since John Wayne and Clint Eastwood stopped making them.

6. Some might claim that my declination (is that a word?) to see it indicates that I have fears that I myself might have gay inclinations. My counterargument to that is that I never saw Dukes of Hazard. Does that mean that I'm afraid that I might be attracted to Jessica Simpson or fast cars? Or that I might be a WT redneck?


It seems like most of the acclaimed movies this award season have to do with homosexuality. Brokeback Mountain, TransAmerica, and the Truman Capote one, I don't even know the title. No wonder the middle east looks at the west and views us as Sodom and Gomorrah with nucular capabilities. I think Iran is devloping theirs just to keep our movies out of their theaters.