Visitors from afar, day 2

If you have not already, you might want to read the previous entry, or just give it a good skim.

At least I get to go to work during the day and I'm not forced to spend too much time with Mr. Fascinating. But Ted is an early riser, and he is a coffee drinker. Oh, and not just coffee. Only triple-concentrated Kenyan estate coffee, ground from the bean. I awake about 30 minutes earlier than usual to the sound of the screaming coffee grinder. I don't know about you, but me no like waking up extra early. So this is followed by the strong aroma of coffee, which I am not opposed to, but the vapors of which are awakening and wiring not only the kids but the entire neighborhood as well. Argh.

I arrive downstairs, he is reading my paper and having a cup. I go to fill my commuter mug, and see that whatever it was that he put in the basket would not allow water to pass through, at least in a timely manner, and overflowed all over the warmer plate. He seemed little concerned, so I went ahead and cleaned it up, seething. I noticed the lever that cut off flow when the pot is removed was lying on the counter next to the maker. "Oh, I guess Jan broke that when she was cleaning it yesterday..." Grrrrrrr. It sure didn't cause him to be patient enough to wait the 7 minutes for the pot to brew before he HAD to fill his cup, letting the maker automatically drip all over itself and the counter.

I acted like I was in a rush, which was really no act since I just wanted to get the hell out. I headed to work.

The day goes pretty well, but I'm dreading the trip home. Not so much the traffic, but arriving. I take a more scenic route to buy myself about 10 extra minutes of quality me-time. I don't want to drag my feet too long because the wife is working tonight and Jan and Ted are watching my kids, Thing 1 and Thing 2. Oops - meant to say that just Jan is watching them, plus her own.

I arrive home and find that we've been joined by Ted's oldest son by his first marriage. Yes, there was someone from whom Jan did not learn a lesson, and that is Ted's first wife. His son, Marcus, is cut from the same cloth as Ted. He too is at least 6 feet eleventeen inches tall, and a good 300 lbs. At 21 years of age, he has the maturity of an eleven-year-old. And the personality (at least he has one) of a complete dork. He is a third-year literature student in college, and enjoys nothing better than obscure references to literature that only third-year lit students would ever get. Truly a clone of his father, except that he tries pathetically to be funny.

So I arrive home, the children had been napping. My two had just awoken and were watching TV, and Cameron was still sleeping. So Jan announced that she was going for a quick jog. No problem, pretending to dote on my children will preclude my feigning polite discussions about reverse discrimination and other professors padding grades. This worked well for about 15 minutes.

Then Cameron woke up and began a-fussin' and a-cryin' in his port-a-crib. And he cried, and cried. And cried some more. Ted and Marcus seemed pretty wrapt in the Thomas the Tank Engine video that Thing 1 and Thing2 were watching. I had to reach the remote and squint, trying to find the pause button among the 250 buttons on it. (I guess the Japanese do not have fat fingers like we lazy Americans do.)

I succeed in silencing Sir Topham Hatt in the midst of scolding a very naughty engine so that Cameron's father can hear his dear child suffering. So he did what any self-absorbed father would do - send the older son in to get the baby.

Marcus brought Cameron out to the family room where we were, where Cameron proceeded to kick up the volume and intensity. Cameron is really attached to his mother, probably because his father would prefer to only handle him with a blacksmith's tongs. He missed his mommy.

It was pretty comical, yet sad, to see the display of the inept attempts at child care that then proceeded. The child wailed, so the troublshooting duo of dad and older brother finally got busy. Check the diaper. Nope, it's dry, so that's not it. Hmmm. The kid just had a nap, so it's probably not tired. Hmmmm. Hmmm. Child wailing. Hmmmm. Hmmm. He probably just misses mommy.

I couldn't take it anymore. These buffoons wouldn't recognize a hungry child if he was wearing a T-Shirt that said "FEED ME, NUMBSKULL!!" I went into the kitchen to get some cheese and grapes, which for some reason all kids with 8 teeth seem to really love. As I was doing this, dad had his own brainstorm - call Jan, try to make the problem hers, and deny her of any bit of personal time that she probably has had in a week. I came back from the kitchen with a small bowl of food that Cameron just tore into, and finally there was peace.

At this point I really feel for the kid, and I still do. It made me realize that not everyone is born into this world to 2 loving parents that are glad to have you around.

Please do not misinterpret me here. Ted is not mean. He is just so utterly self absorbed that his actions by their very nature make him appear to be a right selfish prick.

I proceeded to start foraging through the kitchen for further sustenance for our guests when the suggestion came up to just order a pizza. Sounded good to me. I ordered two, just to ensure that there would be enough. I asked Marcus if there was anything that he did not care for on his pizza. Yes there was, he responded, no vegetables please.

Now one of the few parenting achivements that my wife and I are proiud of is that even our 5- and 2-year old eat some vegetables. Having them surrounded by a pizza made it even easier. But not for Paul Bunyan Jr. - he had to have plenty of red meat.

So we got a meat pizza, and a combo with veggies. Jan had arrived back, and we ate. And Marcus ate. Probably a full 3/4 of the meat pizza until I politely suggested that perhaps my wife might enjoy a slice or two when she got off of work. Had to cut him off, or he would have eaten the placemat as well.

Jan slipped me some money for the food afterward. No such overtures were made by Professor Breadwinner.

Finally my wife arrived, but unfortunately getting the kids bathed and into bed took away from any further significant quality time with Ted. Too bad.

Tomorrow will be Saturday, they will be off visiting some other acquaintances, so at least I won't have to share my space with Dolt and Dolt Jr.

Continued tomorrow!